Rising above R.A.C.I.S.M

Monday 21 September 2015

Hey there lovies

Racism isn't extinct yet.

I, like a lot of people, have obviously experienced racism at one point or the other. Just like any other person, black or white. People have asked 'Tee, have you ever been racially abused'? Sometimes I choose to smile and ward off the question.

I just thought about some of my experiences and decided to share. Here we go;

I was at a crossing, waiting for cars to stop before stepping into the road. Now I don't always expect cars to stop because.. .well because. So there I stood, and this car was fast approaching the crossing, I looked towards the car to ascertain whether the speed was slowly decreasing. He slowed down a bit to let a lady (of a different skin color) cross the road. As I was about to cross, from nowhere comes this guy's middle finger towards me with a very intense negative facial expression to match. He literally held this middle finger up in the air all the way and even moved it to the side as he drove past me. 
I wasn't quite sure of the emotional state I was in - I was furious and at the same time sad. I couldn't do anything really. It was hard to challenge this man because he was in motion. I couldn't put my middle finger up because I don't do such and I don't use swear words. My eyes filled with tears as much as I can recall. I had had a long day but that aside, I just feel really hurt when such happens. I crossed over to the other side and walked away and let it go with the wind.

I can't help but think that if I felt so hurt because he put the middle finger much more did Jesus feel when he was crucified?
If this particular guy walks up to me and asks me for a favor, I'm certain I'll grant him (That's exactly how Christ is to us),but I'm human. I might retalitate unconsciously.

One of my colleagues at work once saw something I owned, and said Wow! How can you afford that? Bear in mind, this is a very basic thing like a phone but not exactly a phone. I had to have a double take...I did give her the appropriate response so not to worry about that. Let's just say she won't get the chance to ask such question ever again. 

One of the most ridiculous questions I've had in recent years - "Oh you speak very good English"? WHAT?! That just sounds odd to me. Again, I do respond appropriately to'll have to be present to judge the response. For instance, saying to me there's nothing called 'treated' but its 'tret'. *sigh*

Not everyone is racist, don't get me wrong but obviously some are both white and black.

Some guy once came to fix the meter and he spoke with Teewai over the phone but I was the one who let him in. Then he said to me -The lady I spoke with on the phone sounded like a coloured lady? I didn't know whether to address him on the "coloured lady" bit or let it slide. I wasn't sure if he was being funny or not - I didn't want to be tagged as defensive so I swerved.
Being called the 'Coloured lady' instead of your actual name when they actually know your actual name. Being shut down when you're the only 'coloured or non-coloured' one in a group of the opposite colour. Not a nice experience. 
A friend of mine once said to me that she's built a thick wall against racism. To be honest, I have too.

I hope racism continues to fade rather than people having to develop thick skin against it.
I hope the future generations learn to accept each other regardless of their culture and differences.

My experience of racism will not make me racist. 
The bible says: (I paraphrase) If your haters are in need, meet that need, by so doing you heap burning coals on their heads and the Lord will reward you (Proverbs 25. 21-22).

I choose to Rise Above Racism.

What do you choose?

Love always,

Missy Tee.

Six Lessons Learnt About Relationships

Tuesday 7 July 2015

Hey There Everyone!
It's been forever, I know I know. I apologise, that was an inevitable hiatus.

So this post has been on my mind for over a month. I had my hands full hence why I couldn't type this before now.
Let's get into it! I can feel Chantel coming in on this post.

We've all had lessons learnt from previous relationships/potential relationships and even current ones. I regard them as very meaningful lessons. I've had numerous conversations with my girl from way back also known as partner-in-crime Teewai, who also contributed, in fact she thought up this post. Thanks Bae!
So I'm going to share six lessons learnt...

1) Communication: This is very important. Sometimes I say so much and sometimes its a struggle to pick a topic to talk about. I guess I can tag this as the moment when I just want to sit next to the person and enjoy their company. #noteverytimetalksometimesenjoycompany :-D . So yeah I'm guilty of being too quiet at times. I have learnt to speak more, this is work in progress.

2) Apologising: Now this one does it for me. I always say to myself, if I claim to love someone, then I should be able to swallow my pride and apologise even when I'm right and they're wrong. Although sometimes I stand my ground , but when its only going to spiral into an endless argument where we can't look each other in the eye. Then is it really worth waiting for the wrong one to realise that they are wrong then they apologise? Trust me, some won't apologise even when they realise they're wrong. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying ALWAYS be the one to say sorry when you're right and they're wrong. There's a thin line between being silly and being smart here. All I'm saying is weigh the situation and go from there. If you're wrong, own up and apologise. Either way, it should never be difficult for you to say sorry. A guy or lady that can swallow his/her pride and apologise even when he/she is wrong? He/she's a keeper! One of the qualities of husband material for me *ahem* LOL! 

3) Occupying the post of partner: I listened to Pastor Sola Fola-Alade a few weeks ago...his church is somewhere in London. He said You're just an element if you find yourself simply occupying a particular space and not being valued. It is easy to feel like you're just a partner when you practically have to prompt your other half about things. For example, you have to prompt them to visit you, you have to feed them all the information you feel they should ask about, you have to nudge them to do things. I mean come on, Christ didn't die for that! If you feel that you're simply occupying space? Speak with your partner, if its not working then...sweetheart I'm sure you know what to do. You're not a piece of furniture darling!

4) External Influence: Now when your relationship is based on the opinion of other men or women, you are on a rocky road. Get your Hummer out! Never base your relationship or thoughts about your partner on other people's opinion . Always ask your partner about that particular thing rather than just assume that they are just like others. For example, Darl! Easter is around the corner, would you like to do anything or blah blah, rather than say my (friends) other guys or girls said they don't really spend Easter together because it is not a couple's holiday! Right! Okay. That's fine but they are not me or you so err yeah? If this is happening to you, again talk about it or better still explain and set these boundaries at the beginning. This is a big thing for me, very very. First time it happened, I wanted to explode. Haha! Anyway, I learnt to always make a relationship tailor-made.

5) Understanding: Never "tolerate" your partner, rather understand them. I can't remember who I heard that from. I don't want to tolerate my partner because that means I would rather not be with them. I want to understand them for who they are and why they do things a certain way. However, when your partner makes it hard for you to understand them then yeah that is something. I have learnt that I need to understand rather than tolerate my partner-when he does show up!

6) Boundaries and Goals: Set these at the beginning of your relationship. They help avoid those surprises and arguments down the line. They also help define what the relationship is and why you are in it. I missed this the first time round so this definitely taught me a lesson. It is very helpful and keeps everyone in line.

Like Pastor Paul A said, don't stick with the wrong one because you feel you can't find the right one. Don't be unhappy because you feel you can't be happy if you let go. The bible says there is no fear in love, perfect love casteth out fear (1John4.18). Never ever feel scared in a relationship or scared to step out of an unpleasant relationship. You may miss the right one if you let fear keep you grounded in the wrong one. Relationships shouldn't be frightening, but pleasurable and fabulous.

Every relationship that does not work out is an opportunity for you to fine tune yourself by addressing your flaws. Even if it does work out, keep looking for ways to address your flaws and strengthen your erm erm strengths ;-/

NB: If you guys don't work out, that doesn't mean you have to become enemies. Some may be super childish about the situation as I have heard of. There's nothing stopping you from being friends, if not close friends.
So tell me, what relationship lessons have you learnt?

Love always,
Missy Tee.

Oh yeah! I'll leave you with one of my favourite songs - Jonathan McReynolds - I love you