I want a divorce.......She said

Tuesday 23 September 2014

Hey guys
Thanks for reading and commenting on my last blog post. I really enjoyed the book and when I do get the chance to read another book from start to finish, I'll let you all know.

So I said at the end of my previous post that this post will be about divorce. Well here it is;
NB: Some facts of the story have been changed such as age, years, gender, and blah di blah out of respect.
A couple who had four kids together. They had been married for over a decade and they seemed like a really close knit family. The wife was the "always want to be classy" type and didn't care at whose expense. She loved it, she wanted it, she got it. She was an upcoming entrepreneur. While the husband happened to be the "my wife is classy so I should be too" type. He was (always trying to keep) keeping up with her. He called her K-babes and all sorts of pet names that youths use these days. But we all seemed to notice that he was scared of her. He was a business analyst and worked in one of the big companies in the city but he quit his job a couple of years earlier because she told him to - SERIOUSLY???!!!. He had a pretty good income- well at least from how he looked, he looked like he did.

K-babes barely played the role of the wife. They barely ate a proper meal in the house as far as I knew at the time. They had things like thin-cut oven fries, chicken nuggets and juice...things like that. She was the type that once she heard about someone having a party, she would definitely have A LOT of takeaway packs. Classy ladies (in her own case) don't cook. To be honest, she was just a lazy wife, very proud and looked down on people greatly.

Back to the topic, we noticed that the wife began travelling out of the country a whole lot. She just always had a reason to be out. We did not really suspect any wrong doing because we thought "business was booming" so she had to be in China, Nigeria, USA, Peru, Trinidad and so on.
Suddenly, we noticed that her kids started looking unkempt. The man started wearing hideous clothes and looked more and more unkempt. He started going to people's houses with his kids just so they could get something to eat (Well a guy that can cook is definitely a keeper ha!) while K-babes was touring the world. All of a sudden, this man was told to withdraw from his role as Deacon in church and warned not to take on any ministerial tasks, along with his Mrs. Then it was made clear that he had been cheating, and his own type of cheating was 'communicating with his ex' without anyone knowing even his kids and Mrs. 

I thought to myself, please what is wrong with talking to your ex? I don't always see why people break up and become enemies, perhaps because I don't buy the idea that exes=enemies - life is too short! Anyways, that was the reason for the marriage shake-up.
The additional shocker - he had a child with this ex and no one knew. He did not tell K-babes even before they got married. K-babes returned to the country and went to every length to finish this man off, she stripped him of his car, right to his kids, house, ...everything. He had nada! She went as far as feeding her kids with ridiculous ideas about their dad that all 4 of them would say embarrassing things in public about their dad such as "he's a jerk, he left us, he ran away, he was hiding". There were times where she would go as far as calling the police to arrest him but there was really no offence for him to be arrested. He eventually moved out of the family house to an unknown location.
Shortly after his move, K-babes began living the single life, she would leave her kids with friends and travel to wherever she pleased. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all single mothers do this. She forced him to sign the divorce papers, he did and got rid of him. K-babes was on the market again! She began looking out for single men and all that. But she soon realised that it wasn't an easy task- raising 2 girls and 2 boys- all teenagers all by herself.
However, within a couple of years, the husband bounced back. He got a better job, bought a Range Rover, a 4  bedroom house in one of the expensive cities, got his position back in the church but remained single. He still has hope that someday he WILL get his family back.
K-babes in a conversation with a friend of hers admitted that she's struggling, keeping up with the demands of being a single mother - not having her husband with her was putting a huge strain on her. It seems she is regretting ever filing for divorce but she doesn't want to admit it. They have bumped into each other at parties and it's always been awkward!
The husband has tried to reach out to her but she still ignores him and keeps his kids away from him.

In a way, I see that the divorce helped the husband gain his guts back and helped him re-establish himself. He is literally using pound and dollar bills to wipe his kitchen table down. Would you then say that the divorce was good for him?
K-babes on the other hand who thought divorce was the only way out, now misses the presence of her ex-husband but doesn't want to admit it. Should she have gone ahead with the divorce? Should she have forgiven him and carried on with the marriage and accepted the stepchild as hers?
I strongly believe that she could have stayed on with her husband, if not for anything but the kids. The kids are now classed as being from a "broken home". Their opinion when it comes to their dad is very nasty. They don't want to see him or hear from him. Should she have done that? Poisoned their minds?
I understand that sometimes, divorce is the only way out for some people. But in this case, the husband's offence was "talking to his ex/baby mama". I believe she should have made attempts to know the other lady and also the stepchild, and bring all 5 kids together as one family. Hey it's easier said than done though.
What do you guys think?
Is any form of cheating an automatic promotion to divorce? (Perhaps there's more to the story that we do not know but this is what we know)
Should he have carried on talking to his ex even after getting married to K-babes?
Is anything wrong with talking to his ex?
Should he have told his wife about his love child before they got married?

Please let me know your thoughts on this.


  1. Chai!!

    I think that he should have told about his child, but then he didn't tell so? way forward? forgive and accept the child abi? I know it won't be easy but really is divorce really the answer?

    there is so much more to this sha but dragging the kids by poisoning their minds against their father is absolutely not called for but I also understand that there are no rules to these things but honestly i think she needs to swallow her pride and admit, talk to her husband and start the healing process.

    God is a God of restoration.

  2. Hmm. In cases like this, you know they will not say all the story. In cases of divorce, both parties usually have a hand, but not all cases. I think he shouldn't have kept the news from her before they married. It only made the woman have an excuse to leave a marriage she wasn't enjoying. And she shouldn't have poisoned the kids minds against their father, no matter what. Anyway, it is all good. I wish them the best.

  3. hmmmmm. Story for the gods. first things first both parties are at fault here. he should have told K-babes about the other kid and let her know he was still keeping intouch with the ex cos of the kid. Divorcing him cos of just an untold child is a little wayy too drastic. but hey like you said there might be more to the story than told. Either ways this is a case of he said she said. Best to leave them to sort out their lifes.

  4. The most wrenching thing in all of that is the element of surprise. That's the part that really blindside people and cut into their defenses. However, you should be alert about all possibilities. Pre-nuptial agreements are a good start, but there is also the point-by-point impact and arrival of the situation, in bits and increments that you will have to react to with wisdom, as well as with fortitude, so that all parties are well-served. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    Sandra Walker @ Eric L. Risk, P.C.

  5. Hard to say that anyone caused this divorce here...
    The husband shouldn't have hidden such stuff from the wife-a child from your ex? Pls do tell all..
    The wife should probably not have let go too easily, but that's easy for me to say seeing as I am not the one who wears the shoe... but something could still have been done to salvage the marriage, for the sake of the kids too...

  6. The man should have told his wife about his child before they married. The lady should never have poisoned the kids minds. Divorce is nasty and most times not the solution. But then again a lot of Nigerian women this, husband living them and poisoning the kids minds as well. Love your blog.

  7. I'm a new visitor to your blog, but once I read this couples story, I couldn't wait to get in on this discussion. Both spouses have made some really critical mistakes here. First, you never go into a marriage holding secrets of that magnitude. Second, for the wife, she needs to remind herself what it means to be this mans 'wife.' Marriage comes first, not somewhere down the list that she feels are her higher priorities. Third, never involve the children in 'divorce war.' It is totally unfair to the children and they should never be placed in this battle between mommy and daddy. I doubt that this marriage could ever be salvaged and if they ever did get back together, her husband needs to put on his big boy pants more often because his wife walked all up, down and over him throughout their entire marriage. They both have a lot to learn.

  8. How did i even miss this? I'm co-signing all Dee said!

  9. Both parties are to blame in this story, like why would a woman not cook for her family.
    That meant the children also eat party takeover, what happens to getting a maid if she can't cook.

    Hiding a child out of wedlock from a partner is terrible, this marriage I must say was doomed from the start. I hope they work things out.

  10. Both to share the blame.

    You can now read Gloria's tales for FREE on DNB Stories


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