Through My Telescope...: July 2015

Hey There Everyone!
It's been forever, I know I know. I apologise, that was an inevitable hiatus.
#noinsultsherethanks

So this post has been on my mind for over a month. I had my hands full hence why I couldn't type this before now.

Let's get into it! I can feel Chantel coming in on this post.

We've all had lessons learnt from previous relationships/potential relationships and even current ones. I regard them as very meaningful lessons. I've had numerous conversations with my girl from way back also known as partner-in-crime Teewai, who also contributed, in fact she thought up this post. Thanks Bae!
So I'm going to share six lessons learnt...

1) Communication: This is very important. Sometimes I say so much and sometimes its a struggle to pick a topic to talk about. I guess I can tag this as the moment when I just want to sit next to the person and enjoy their company. #noteverytimetalksometimesenjoycompany :-D . So yeah I'm guilty of being too quiet at times. I have learnt to speak more, this is work in progress.

2) Apologising: Now this one does it for me. I always say to myself, if I claim to love someone, then I should be able to swallow my pride and apologise even when I'm right and they're wrong. Although sometimes I stand my ground , but when its only going to spiral into an endless argument where we can't look each other in the eye. Then is it really worth waiting for the wrong one to realise that they are wrong then they apologise? Trust me, some won't apologise even when they realise they're wrong. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying ALWAYS be the one to say sorry when you're right and they're wrong. There's a thin line between being silly and being smart here. All I'm saying is weigh the situation and go from there. If you're wrong, own up and apologise. Either way, it should never be difficult for you to say sorry. A guy or lady that can swallow his/her pride and apologise even when he/she is wrong? He/she's a keeper! One of the qualities of husband material for me *ahem* LOL!

3) Occupying the post of partner: I listened to Pastor Sola Fola-Alade a few weeks ago...his church is somewhere in London. He said You're just an element if you find yourself simply occupying a particular space and not being valued. It is easy to feel like you're just a partner when you practically have to prompt your other half about things. For example, you have to prompt them to visit you, you have to feed them all the information you feel they should ask about, you have to nudge them to do things. I mean come on, Christ didn't die for that! If you feel that you're simply occupying space? Speak with your partner, if its not working then...sweetheart I'm sure you know what to do. You're not a piece of furniture darling!

4) External Influence: Now when your relationship is based on the opinion of other men or women, you are on a rocky road. Get your Hummer out! Never base your relationship or thoughts about your partner on other people's opinion . Always ask your partner about that particular thing rather than just assume that they are just like others. For example, Darl! Easter is around the corner, would you like to do anything or blah blah, rather than say my (friends) other guys or girls said they don't really spend Easter together because it is not a couple's holiday! Right! Okay. That's fine but they are not me or you so err yeah? If this is happening to you, again talk about it or better still explain and set these boundaries at the beginning. This is a big thing for me, very very. First time it happened, I wanted to explode. Haha! Anyway, I learnt to always make a relationship tailor-made.

5) Understanding: Never "tolerate" your partner, rather understand them. I can't remember who I heard that from. I don't want to tolerate my partner because that means I would rather not be with them. I want to understand them for who they are and why they do things a certain way. However, when your partner makes it hard for you to understand them then yeah that is something. I have learnt that I need to understand rather than tolerate my partner-when he does show up!

6) Boundaries and Goals: Set these at the beginning of your relationship. They help avoid those surprises and arguments down the line. They also help define what the relationship is and why you are in it. I missed this the first time round so this definitely taught me a lesson. It is very helpful and keeps everyone in line.

Like Pastor Paul A said, don't stick with the wrong one because you feel you can't find the right one. Don't be unhappy because you feel you can't be happy if you let go. The bible says there is no fear in love, perfect love casteth out fear (1John4.18). Never ever feel scared in a relationship or scared to step out of an unpleasant relationship. You may miss the right one if you let fear keep you grounded in the wrong one. Relationships shouldn't be frightening, but pleasurable and fabulous.

Source

Every relationship that does not work out is an opportunity for you to fine tune yourself by addressing your flaws. Even if it does work out, keep looking for ways to address your flaws and strengthen your erm erm strengths ;-/

NB: If you guys don't work out, that doesn't mean you have to become enemies. Some may be super childish about the situation as I have heard of. There's nothing stopping you from being friends, if not close friends.