Submission in marriage? So so. In a relationship- Boy Purleaseee!

Ladies are not speechless. Source

Hey there sugar-sugar,

How’s it going? Christmas is drawing near-no no no Christmas shopping hasn't started pour moi!

The heading is that because I really don’t know what to type up there.

Well I am talking about submission today! This topic came to my mind when I remembered a question a friend of mine asked me months ago. 

I believe submission in marriage is half and half where the wife submits and the husband.......- therefore removing the hierarchy and creating a mutual view of each other. And in a relationship, its half and quarter (lol).

You see at weddings, almost every wedding I have attended whenever the elderly men do approach the microphone to give a speech or advice to the couple, they always say- "Bride- be submissive to your husband" but they never seem to have anything to say to the groom. That drives me gaga because it feels like they are saying "Bride- you've got no power whatsoever because this man is now your boss" errrrrr I don’t think so!

And whenever the older women give a piece of advice, they say- respect your husband because they've had decades to sharpen themselves up and to understand what it really means to be submissive so they don't really agree with the submission gist.

It’s in the bible quite alright, 1 Peter 3.1 it says and I quote

 "In the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behaviour of their wives".  

We are human and we interpret things differently- I interpret this as- if he is acting up, leave him be and respect his opinions so that he will (when he is disobedient and realises) understand why you let him be and return to his normal self. Now you all might interpret that differently from what I said up there but you see people take this as something else. However, this is only a small portion of how I understand this verse. The rest for another day.

It also says in Ephesians 5.22;

'Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord'.

When it comes to saying "be submissive"- I don't think it means be a dumdumb@dummie.com. I see people often take this 'be submissive' thing too far. When you get married, you are becoming someone's companion, second half, and so on and so forth not someone's maid or dummie!

I often see people (wives) being treated like they are maids. The husband comes home and she is the one that has to remove his shoes, pick his suitcase , iron his clothes for tomorrow, cook his food every blessed day, wash his plates, cut his nails and all that...sugar are you serious?. I believe you should be doing those because you feel like not because he "bought" you and then you have to do it because he sees it as your duty or you are destined to do that. It is a lady's duty but it should be divided amongst each other but really is that what being submissive is all about?

Source

I believe you are meant for each other to HELP each other out. A lot of women actually do take on this role because it’s their mentality of being married, once you are married- that’s it, you are someone else's property, you are not free to talk or chill out anymore, you are someone's slave and you have to do everything for him. This is where I don't understand the submissive thing- even if you are being submissive- does that mean you don't have an opinion or voice anymore an all you say shouldn't or doesn't count?

What is wrong with a man cooking or washing up at times, listening to his wife's opinion and 'sometimes' accepting her opinion as right?  Why do they just assume the lazy role and just sit back and say she'd do everything, I am the man of the house and whatever she says doesn't matter? 

Being a married couple, I believe you are meant to do these activities from the heart not that you are forced or feel obliged to do it. If he works and you work too -the same hour’s daily- he'd expect you to cook when you are equally tired- this is extremely common. It makes me laugh... why do they just assume you are not too tired to cook and clean at about 10.30pm?

Accepted, if he works all-day, 'ld be happy to run him a warm bath and make him a good dinner but if you 'the lady' works all-day- in most cases you return home to cook your own dinner, clean up after him and run yourself a bath while he's been home all-day!!!!

Men take these things for granted, they really do.

My friend asked me;

Friend- Tee, do you think you'd be submissive to....

Tee- We'll know at that time.....

Friend- But you have to...

Tee- Honey, there is a thin line between being submissive and being silly and used.

Friend- What do you mean?

Anyways we went on and on and my point was that there is a thin line between you being submissive in the sense that you respect and support him and all that and you being used in the sense that he doesn't do anything all, you are anxious that if you don't do certain things he'd be upset and mad at you- you are literally scared of him if you don't do something’s, you can't advice him he'd totally flip or act like you are senseless and invisible That’s crazy.

Here are some scenarios that actually made me chuckle;

I know a couple who when they just got married, the wife was literally being "submissive" in the opposite way. Whenever he called her name, she'd run to him wherever he was and then kneel down to answer him, whenever she wanted to give him food she'd kneel, whenever she wanted to talk to him she'd kneel, whenever she said anything, she'd be disregarded. When I realised this, I was dazed and said "are you kidding me?” Obviously, I couldn't say that to her because that'd be really rude and nosey. So I kept chuckling to myself whenever I saw her. 

This young wife eventually got pregnant and I didn't see much of her so when she had her baby, months and months later when I hung out with her and her husband, I realised that she had changed her perspective of being "submissive". 

Whenever her husband calls her now, she answers "Yea!" while standing, she argues with him when it comes to proving a point which she never did at first; she says stuff now like she has a voice which she actually does. I just said to myself, maybe the baby spoke to her. 

Her husband never cooked before she had the baby but now, the baby of then is almost 2 years and a bit, she calls him and says can he cook some food for them eat? They alternate it now; they both handle the kitchen unlike before. Now, they are talking- they are acting like a real couple where they both can speak, they can interact, share tasks and so on. They look really fit for each now in my eyes. They both share the responsibility of being married and it’s not just on the wife.

Scenario 2;

Another couple, they are "concentrated" born again Christians which I like. The husband always had the say and all the wife did was obey, cook, shut up, and say nothing, even if she knew that she was right- she kept mute. She was the; kneel down type too. She had her first baby but that did not change her, she was still the "no right wife where she had no say". My dear, she had the second baby and she became wise straight away. She now has a voice, she regained herself and pulled away from being used and treated like just another person with no opinion.

Please do not get me wrong, you have to be submissive to your husband but I feel that they are not made of plastic- is he really meant to sit back and just look handsome + act like his hands are stainless. Girl pull it together, you are a wife and you are not a maid- feminist see these kind of things as negative because men feel we are the reserve army of labour where we just do everything they don't feel like doing. Men feel like "she" HAS to do it. Well maybe you can say this babe is a feminist/functionalist. Lol

I think it’s cute when a man actually helps out, where he washes the dishes while she's cooking, when she is tired- offer to cook, even if she is not- you can cook or clean for a change. There is love in sharing. And if she doesn't do all these sometimes then you don't have to hold it against her and say she is lazy. Darling, it takes a lot to be a girl *rolling eyes*. Lol

So what do you think ladies- do we really all have to do it or he'd be angry if you don't do it?

When it comes to relationships, I feel it’s another ball game entirely. This is what I think- you cannot be submissive when in a relationship like that because you are just going to be trampled upon. 

If you are quick and always the one to say sorry all the time- wow sugar he will take it for granted. Even if he offends you, he'll expect you to say sorry.

I can't say much when it comes to relationships because you just have to play your cards right. I believe when you are in a relationship that is the best time for you to understand and know each other’s attitude and behaviour from scratch.

This submissive attitude of ladies actually begins when they are actually in a relationship and then it progresses to the point where you can't pull back and change things and when you do, it feels like you've got an alter ego when actually you don't- it's just you trying to get yourself back.

Ladies, please am I right or right? 

Men actually do take advantage of that "submissive" bit in the bible and turn wives into maids or house workers. Ladies do have a voice and are human as well. 

We should do our duties but not be treated as maids because we do these things and it gets to the point that men don't even know the way to the kitchen anymore or how to turn the cooker on for instance.

This is not just to do with the kitchen but that the only aspect I can think of now but hey you get the gist.

I actually typed this up last week and when it was sermon time in church last Sunday, guess what the topic was???????

Yea! You guessed right- Submission- but it’s to do with Submission to God not men. It was fun and I felt Wow- Lord thanks for telling me the topic wayyy before Sunday. Love you Jesus!

Just thoughts.......

But what do you think?