2011 so far....from the heart!

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Sometimes the best way to speak is to speak from the heart.
I am going to try do this also try not to pull things back because I tend to do that sometimes all the time.

Its the last day of 2011 literally although there is just one day to go. I am so thankful to God for bringing us all, yes us all including you reading this post thus far and also for where He is leading us to.
Personally, 2011 has been one heck of a year. I made some decisions that I took wayyy too long to make and some that I did not even in a million years think I was going to have to make. Sometimes things  just do not go according to your own plan because your plan is not good enough for God. I had some plans but He wrote them off and said no that is not what is best for you right now and do you know what? I had no choice than to obey Him because he sure knows best. All of this just brings to my mind "Lean not on your own understanding".

Looking back at 2011, I had days where I was just plain down and nobody could do anything to make me feel better, I had days were I cried my eyeballs out alone in my closet and immediately I stepped out of the door, this sudden smile cropped up and I looked like life was just perfect but deep down inside of me I was shattered, plain hurt and unable to believe and decide.
2011 also made me miss my younger days when I had no care in the world because I was just too young to worry or think about things like I do now.
It was one heck of a year I will say. A year that I cried when I tried to look inwards to see the real Tee because I just couldn't decipher which one I should go with, not that I couldn't really find the real Tee but the fact that I had to make some decisions for a certain Tee to remain or go for good.
Looking back in the days, seeing what I could have done better and what I could have lived without doing but I always tried to hide behind that "everybody makes mistakes" shadow  outside but deep inside I criticised myself so bad and felt extremely bitter all the time.
Its crazy when people ask you "How are you?" and all you say with a smile is "I'm fine thanks". Whenever I answered such question I asked myself- Are you really fine Tee?
2011 was one heck of a year! Have I said that already? Sorry!
At the beginning of the year, I was so ecstatic- you know that New Year feeling, I was hyped but as the year went on, the feeling kind of dropped.
I started my blog at the beginning of the year, so that's something to be happy about.
This year I kinda hid myself from quite alot of people for a personal reason (note the 'a') which sometimes I said to myself" why exactly are you doing this?"
Its crazy because other people just did not think it was worth me hiding but like they say- its only the person wearing the shoes that knows where it hurts and Mayne they just could not wear those shoes.

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2011; a year that I kinda look back at now and my eyes fill with tears of mixed emotions and my stomach knots. A friend of mine and myself kinda parted ways partially because my friend thought it was to do with him but I couldn't bring myself to explain to the point where he could understand what I was saying. All of this made me send annoying vibes his way which I did not do intentionally but I hope he understands. I took my anger out on him and hearing things did not help either. I ended up saying things the way they should not have been uttered but I can't and couldn't even explain it to him which also made him say somethings that I am trying to believe he did not mean to say....(I hope so!) We were pretty close friends...I have said it before but I hope you do understand if you do read this.

Moving on, my phone was off for a month in 2011 and people tried reaching me but I was just unable to pick myself up to actually turn on my phone. I cried my eyes out and screamed Jesus's name out so loud that I bet the neighbour must have thought that someone was having a baby(that's what I can think of)! But you know what? He says that the plans He has for each and everyone of us is better than the ones that we have put down.
I guess I relied too much on my plan that it literally shattered me when He pushed it all aside. Lord I'm sorry for going against "Lean not on your own understanding". I guess I got lost in the moment.

2011 was one heck of a year! How many times have I said that now?
I did somethings that made me smile and He did surprise me too with things that put a smile on my face "Joy comes in the morning". I had asked myself over and over again that how many people my age have had to go through this. Sometimes, we get so forgetful of what we have and keep crying for what we don't have. Mayne what a mixed year. Sometimes, I sank back in my chair and said 'Oh Lord, I am thankful for what I have" then the next minute the tears go rolling down.

When people live their lives and go about saying I love my life, I say to myself- are you sure? He has promised to always be there for me but maybe I was just too impatient.
I lost so much weight in 2011, I am a size 8 but at some point size 8 became too big, I looked at myself in the mirror and I was super duper thin. People actually asked if I ate at all and all I did was smile, I just did not have the appetite but I regained it as time went on, I will say I am much better. Not as skinny. 2011 has taught me to be optimistic at all times.

2011 was one heck of a year! Have I said that already?
I always had a smile on my face when I came up here- on my blog, so many people left lovely comments and that was a relief that someone somewhere actually takes time out to read my rants.
The highlights continue,
I saw my closest besty from childhood for the first time in 4 years 1 week and 2 days exactly- He said that to me and I was like "Wow I love my besty". Love you Dee! It was nice seeing him again and I just did not wanna let him go. I think I hugged him too tight, he's fine so I didn't suffocate him. LOL!
I saw people that I hadn't seen in years this year. It was nice seeing their faces.
My blog has just been growing- I can't complain. To my followers and readers, I am so thankful because you guys make it worthwhile. Muah bless you plenty.
I made new friends this year- nice meeting you guys you all are fabulous. ;-)
I turned a year older this year just like every other person but to me, the fact that I am actually XX years old- a decade ago I felt it was simply impossible for me to be XX years old. Tunde will know exactly what I'm talking about. (Please do check his flickr account out, he loves taking pictures- Please feed your eyes!)
I reconnected with some of my primary school mates again, Yes primary school mates- don't ask how long! :-)
I successfully went through a year without buying myself a new phone or ipod although I was tempted to buy but I stayed away You go girl! I am so getting a new phone in 2012. Although one of my phones decided to give up the ghost but I am using a used phone passed on by a sibling who changed phones so I am still kind of stuck with that for now and to be honest I absolutely hate that phone with a passion- its just too small. I gotta change it as soon as I get the chance. But at least I still have a phone for the sim so be thankful Tee, be thankful! How do people even ping for hours on this phone or Blackberries in general, this one's keypad is way toooooo small for me. I think faster than I type or whichever way round so imagine the amount of typos- wow!

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I stayed away from buying high heels this year, I only bought flat shoes which is an accomplishment for me. You can't even imagine.
So long as there is life there is hope! Which one of you can by worrying add one minute to your life?
Lord I know I have ranted too much in 2011 and its so easy to overlook all the things you've done and but so hard to forget the ones that you are working on. Therefore Lord, I apologise. Be thankful at all times! He knows what He is doing!

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Also gotta send some love to my Tywo 'Tigh' like I call him. I also saw him this year for the first time in almost three years, I miss you already Tee and sure love ya too. See you soon darl!

Thank you all so much for being part of my 2011, the fact that I have 37 blog followers already by December is so overwhelming, when I started I thought I was just going to have one follower which was probably me following me but you guys have sure put a smile on Missy Tee's face and tugged on her heartstrings. I'll probably send everyone special kisses if I get like 45 to 50 followers by Missy Tee's blog's first birthday as a party souvenir, yea we having a party- a blog party!. ;-) LoL.
Thanks a whole lot. I can't even thank you enough. You all are so fabulous.
As usual, Missy Tee surely loves you.

2012 shall definitely be a better and prosperous year for everyone of us. May we all and ours live long to see Dec 30th 2012 and beyond by His special grace.

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With the warmest regards to you and yours,
Have a FABULOUS New Year!
See you in 2012!

Luv,